Oh, my. Every so often, you come across something that leaves you speechless, baffled, and wryly amused. Thus was the acronym “WTF?”" invented and thus is the case with this $1,000 Italian… snow…shoe…boot …fetish thing. Perhaps I’ve lead a sheltered life, but I’ve never seen anything that quite so…creatively combines the worlds of outdoor, gear, and, um, fashion. And while there’s no end of words I could write about it, it seemed too juicy to keep all the fun for myself, so I thought I’d throw a contest. Winner gets the compact 720p high-def DXG video camera. This little marvel goes for $140 and is splash resistant.
How do you win? The rules are simple: Write the most entertaining thing you can about this shoe and post it here as a comment. What does “entertaining thing” mean” Well, it could be as simple as making up a name for it or as complex as telling the story of its inspiration and design. Or crafting a marketing plan for it. Or describing its ideal buyer. Surprise. Amuse. Knock it out of the park and win the camera.
Contest ends at noon PST on Friday, July 2. Cause the weekend’s coming.
WE HAVE A WINNER!
Lots of terrific entries–thanks to everyone who took the time to play. In the end, the judges were impressed by the depths suggested by the few short words of J-Dub’s offering: “Archaeologists discover the real motivation behind Sir Ernest Henry Shackleton’s arctic explorations.” Perhaps this isn’t how J-Dub intended it, but I picture the shoe, found, published in English newspapers at the turn of the 20th Century, spawning hundreds of men to sign up for the expedition that would search for the foot that filled it. That whole thing about crossing Antarctica? Just revisionist history.
Henceforth, I hereby this shoe shall be known as the “South Pole Dancer”.
And congrats to J-Dub.
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{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }
“Even Canadians need dressy heels.”
(Perfect post for Canada Day too!
)
Two 6 Word Story submissions:
Found: shoe of suspected Italian supermodel musher.
Evidence suggests he’s a transvestite lumberjack.
This was surprisingly easy… partially rolling off the tongue, er, keyboard.
Summit Viale Boot Ltd. ($1,979, doushboot.it) Conceived in collaboration between design house ByPolur and Doush Boot product manager Skitz O. Phrenia, the Summit Viale is equally at home bossing around the Sherpa who dirtied your L’Oreal couleur experte en route to Camp 4 as it is stepping out of your Tesla stretch-limo at the star-studded premiere of the documentary filmed about yourself (‘en route to Camp 4’).
One of the Kardashians asked “What’s Gulag?” and someone rushes to fill a niche…
“Gee Your Foot Smells Terriffic”
Jamie is an accountant. She insists on wearing heels every day. Jamie works at a ski resort, slopeside, in Montana. Her heels get caught in the metal grated stairs to our office regularly, and she ‘heel holes’ (rather than post hole) when walking around. We laugh. In these, she would have the last laugh.
Say hello to REI’s latest hiking boot: the AnkleTwister! Designed especially for the all-terrain hooker (also available with clear plastic heels for strippers).
“For the Dancin’ Diva and Hikin’ Hootchie Mama! This new Bootilicious All-terrain stiletto from the new Lady Gaga line: Pimp-n-Climb gives you tenacious traction for the trails and the dance floor! Fashionable, sexy, and kick ass rugged!”
She was “pumped” to go for a hike when I surprised her with her own pair of Danielle Boone’s.
A consummation of traction and allure had forever eluded Stella. Another night of cold feet after a heated night of passion. Another slippery walk home. Another early morning spent at a filthy urgent care facility.
During one of those dreaded strolls one blustery winter night, it came to her, in much the same way the perfect shade of lipstick can call your name from the drug store makeup counter: The Glacial Frost-Free Lolita.
No more would this snowy seductress fall victim to the harsh elements of the Moscow winter. The Lolita had, quite remarkably, slipped into her life and she would never be the same.
High, Dry, and Made To Fly!
Monty Python says it best:
“I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay.
I sleep all night and I work all day.
I cut down trees, I wear high heels
Suspenders & a bra
I wish I would been a girlie
Just like my dear Papa”
Manolo Blahnik’s new outdoorsy chic – being outdoors is no excuse to look like a savage in sub 5 inch heels.
“The Hot Mama Mountain Steppa” as seen in the 2010 remake of “Troop Beverly Hills”
It’s a hot night. The mind races. You think about your knife, the only friend who hasn’t betrayed you, the only friend who won’t be dead by sunup. Sleep tight, mates, in your fleece lined Vibram-soled 6 inch pumps.
-Okay, partial credit goes to Seinfeld / J.Peterman
“Now You Can Climb Mt. Everest AND Mt. Fugly At The Same Time!”
“Perfect for those Colorado days when you’re dashing up 14ers in the morning, laying it down on the dance floor in the evening, and don’t have time to waste changing in between. This new DSquared boot will have all your Front Range friends staring as you blast past them on the trail or in line at the bar.”
And the winner of “America’s Next Top Lumberjack” is…….
If you like Balenciaga shoes, I’m sure you’ll love these from DSquared2. I expect that I’ll see some hot young ladies wearing them on some cold nights here in Southern California.
Fashion meets function: you’re hanging out at Base camp, replete from spending the day tacking the Khumbu Icefall, a little woozy, but exhilarated. An impromptu dance party erupts. What to do? Dancing in crampons is no way to bust a move (and the damage to a partner’s toes could be considerable). It’s not a problem! You remembered to replace your extra oxygen tanks with your new “Top of the World Stilettos.” With canvas uppers (complete with faux wool lining), reinforced soles with plenty of traction and four inch heels, these boots are perfect for any occasion, whether in New York or Nepal.
As seen in the music video for Lady Gaga’s latest single, “Man Hunter”.
(from the newly created Onion/SNEWS outdoor industry news partnership)
For Immediate Release:
In the first simultaneous product release ever held at NYC’s Fashion Week and the Outdoor Retailer show in SLC, newly formed Crimes of Fashion LLC , announced the first collaboration between the new, pared-down design team at recently merged LL Bean and the ultra-hipster DSquare fashion brand. “Fashion is of course the absolutely greatest waster of resources on the plant,” S.Ken Flynt, said new CoF CEO. “We’re going in a new ‘green direction’, that highlights CoF’s lean, enviro-friendly manufacturing processes. We challenged our designers to put something together with old scraps hanging around the warehouse, and this is what they came up with.” Influenced by DSquared 2s “Sexy Hiking” men’s line and LL Bean’s timeless Americana collections, the “Spyker Highker” is already getting numerous call-outs on hipster blogs such as A Continuous Lean and The Adventure Life. Speaking to their functionality, Flynt (who obtained financing for the merger through his uncle, former Hustler publisher Larry Flynt), commented “whether you’re scaling the concrete canyons of Manhattan or the flanks of Mount Everest, these boots offer women a built in height advantage that will allow them to climb the ladder of success faster than ever.”
Technical details include:
• Vibram™ mud-chucker tread
• High tenacity 510D Gore-Tex® upper is “Guaranteed to Keep You Dry”
• Easy-sliding, stainless steel eyelets won’t rust in wet weather
• Beefy Nubuck leather upper, treated with water-shedding Hydrobloc®
• Inspired by toy poodles, new Polarfleece® FluffBall™ cuff seals out drafts
• Articulated heel/forward lean keeps hikers ‘on their toes’ at all times
• Fire hydrant red speed lacing system snugs up quickly
Does your employer’s business professional dress code make lunch-break deer hunts more of a hassle than they should be? Don these DSQUARED calf-skin and nylon boots and forget about packing an extra pair of shoes, whether you’re closing a client or closing in on your prey. $1000 + S&H.
Paul Bunyon’s longtime girlfriend had only one wish – to be as tall as Paul. Finally, she found a solution.
Archaeologists discover the real motivation behind Sir Ernest Henry Shackleton’s arctic explorations.
‘Cuz everyone should look good while shoveling snow.
Only in Aspen
Perfect for cougars who want to hike amongst cougars
Man could you post a pic with these on a good looking long legged scantly clad voluptuous lass,? for inspiration I mean, just saying
“Sex and the Country: Carrie Me”
Camp heels by Jimmy Choo-bacca.
Ed Hardy took the request for heel lifts on their “snow collection” a little too literally.
Ed Hardy responds to customers’ requests for heel lifts.
For ladies who think “real” camping happens at a hotel.
She’ll be looking good ’round the mountain when she comes, (when she comes).
She’ll be looking good ’round the mountain when she comes, (when she comes).
She’ll be looking good ’round the mountain, she’ll be looking good ’round the mountain,
She’ll be looking good ’round the mountain when she comes, (when she comes).
and so on with the following verse:
she’ll break her neck round the mountains when she comes, etc
Sorry LOL
Headline: New Goretex Gagas liberate Glampers
The Mullet of shoes. ” Business in the front, Party in the back”
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
A modern one, of course, with a cityscape view.
The foundation was sturdy, gripping the ground
With a pillar of support going up and down.
The upstairs is cozy and keeps out the cold,
No wonder there’s already been 2 million sold.
OMG! I have always said that the perfect shoe doesn’t exist, and whalah – it appears in the flesh! All in one, everything I have ever wanted in a shoe. Wear this, and I scream rugged diva extrordinaire, prepared for anything – clubbing or yak herding, being discovered for Rihanna’s new video “Sassy Siberia”… Willing to get my hands dirty, but wait! I don’t have to – or, well, I can’t reach the ground. Funky and Fab I am the picture of the modern woman. Look out world, here I come!
Its a SOREL-PUMP perfect for our Canadian summers EH!!!
Daddy was an eskimo.
Perfect for pre-ski and apré-ski functions.
Great on the uphills but watch out heading downhill!
Official sponsor of the Ididheronthesnow.
Real Housewives of the Yukon